when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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