If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
