Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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