I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
