I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
