Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
