so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
