JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
