My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
