On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
