do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
