There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
