Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
