Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
