apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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