should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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