Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
