Small penises have feelings too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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