super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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