after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
