she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
