Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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