did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
