using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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