Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
