I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
