It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
