It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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