We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
