Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
