I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
