i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
