Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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