Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
