I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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