so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
