So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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