The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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