This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
