And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and i looked up. we had an audience...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
