i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
