i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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