You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
