I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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