please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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