I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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