you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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