just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
