Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
