The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
