I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
