she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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