allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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