Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
