that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
