Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
