i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who died my cat blue again?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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