Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
