I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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