quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
