don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
