It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
