He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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