so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
