How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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