You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
