just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
