"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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