there's paper in my vomit.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
