So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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