Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Two words: blizzard sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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