Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
