He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
