Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
