hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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