I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
